Emotions. They can be great, and then they can be downright awful. With such a wide range of feelings, sometimes they can get a bit overwhelming and it can get a bit much to handle in your head, and they can change so rapidly. There are times when I’m happy as larry, and then I’m holding in my anger at a cup that’s been left on the table from the night before. Part of it is just exhaustion from being a mum, and the other part is from where I’ve let lots of little nuisances build up and create a big whomping irritated Becky. (I’m also putting some of this down to pregnancy hormones!)
I am a very placid person, my mum always said if I was anymore laid back I’d be laying down. It takes a lot for me to speak up and say something to someone if it’s about me personally. (I’m right there if it’s about my kids or anyone else though!) I just brush everything under the carpet and ‘let it go’. (I know you sang that.) But I don’t really. I let it fester and build up, until one day I just explode. Sometimes it’s at the cat, but more often it’s at my partner. I feel terrible for doing it, I really should just say something at the time of whatever’s bothering me, but I don’t like confrontation or making others feel down. Plus I’m really, really bad at talking face to face. I forget the points I’ve spent all morning making in my head and the way I want the conversation to flow, and I don’t know about you, but I tend to stutter and mix my points up when I get caught in a face to face confrontation. – I also really don’t like seeing the other persons reactions. By the end of it I haven’t said anything I wanted to get off my chest, and the other person now thinks everything is fine and dandy again. So when I get close to snapping, I write it all down. Whether that’s in a text, handwritten note or a note on the computer, I jot it all down into a letter-style format and wait for the right moment to get the other person to read it. This way I’m able to avoid face to face confrontation, and make sure I’ve got all the points I wanted to get across said.
I suppose it’s the same as why some people choose to blog or write a diary. Writing is a release of emotion, and I have to say it makes me feel a whole lot better once I’ve written out what’s niggling at me. Unfortunately though, my letters can be pages long, listing out everything that’s been bugging me, and then it makes me look like a right dick towards that person because it just seems like I’ve waited until I have a list the length of the Great Wall of China. I am trying to speak my mind a little more, but for now, writing it down will do for me. As my partner says, A problem shared, is a problem halved. I think he speaks some truth there.
If you’re getting a bit overwhelmed, just take a pen and paper and write down what’s bothering you. If anything, you can read it back to yourself and rationalise whether it’s worth getting in a fuddle about it, and allow yourself to actually think about it, rather than let your mind run away with itself!
How do you deal with your emotions?