Am I a Bad Parent for wanting ‘me time’?

Okay. I won’t be the first to say this, and I sure won’t be the last: Parenting is hard work. And I’m open enough to admit that some days I struggle. I’m sure we can all agree there are some days when we just wish for bedtime to come around so we can put our darlings to bed. Whether that’s because they haven’t been darlings at all *cough* little shits *cough* or because you’re just not feeling it that day, (which is totally okay, after all you’re basically a servant to a human half your age and size) – a break is sometimes needed! But am I a bad parent for wanting ‘me time’?

Now don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids and they are my world, but I am only human too and sometimes I need a few hours just for me; to recharge, reorganise my thoughts and find my happy place. No yelling, “don’t touch that!” or changing nappies or CBeebies or even the feeling of responsibility for little lives. Just for a few hours.

I often get myself worked up at the thought of asking for someone to have the kids whilst I have ‘me time’. It was my decision to become a parent, I feel I shouldn’t ask others for help for something I chose to do. I feel like I’m failing as a parent if I ask for ‘me time’, or for someone to come around and watch the kids whilst I get back on top of my housework. But I know deep down if I didn’t ask, I wouldn’t be a very fit parent – or person for that matter. I’d end up sinking into a deep, dark hole and become a miserable person to be around.

Because even though people may tell you how exhausting and draining it can be being a parent, we don’t really tend to listen. This week has knocked me for six. I’d over worked myself and the heat really affected me too, and I could feel myself being dragged down into that hole. With snappy remarks, lack of patience with the kids and a serious case of “I can’t be arsed to tidy the house up” – it was all just getting too much and I needed a time out. So I messaged my mum in a desperate plea to see if she would be able to have William for the night to allow me to have a lay in past 7am. Not only did she take William, she took Lily too, and had them all day the next day! I was so grateful for this time-out of parenting, to have a day of nothingness and primarily focus on me. (That’s not to say I wasn’t messaging my mum every few hours checking in on them!)

Once we’d dropped the kids off to grandmas, I could already feel the tension lifting, and a pull up out of the dark hole I’d buried myself in. It was a bittersweet feeling though as I felt an awful pang of guilt for leaving them. This is my internal battle I have with myself: I want to be there with them 24/7, but I need to have some time away too…Although, when they came home I felt ready to burst with the love I felt for them when I saw them.

Parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, it can be arduous and mind numbing and downright stressful, but these times are overshadowed by the rewarding, happy and loving days. The good days will always outweigh the bad, and in time these strenuous and hard days will be but a fuzzy memory in the back of our minds. So take that time out, focus on yourself to be in a better place for yourself and your children. You’ll thank yourself for it! In answer to my original question, no. I don’t think I am a bad parent for wanting time to myself; I am a better parent for admitting it and taking the time away to be a better person for my children.

What are your views? Do you agree or disagree? How often do you get ‘me time’?

Becky x

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25 Comments

  1. July 10, 2017 / 5:16 am

    Me time is really important, I think it’s good for children to spend time with other people and it gives you time to be you and not just “mum”. I just wish I had more opportunity for it. I’m still breastfeeding and my daughter is in major separation anxiety mode so I’ve barely had an hour to myself in 10months 😢 One day though, right?

    • July 10, 2017 / 12:48 pm

      I think so too, we aren’t always going to be there 24/7 for them when they’re older, I’d never thought about it that way really! – Oh bless you, it’ll definitely come round for you! x

  2. July 11, 2017 / 3:49 pm

    I totally agree. Me time isn’t selfish, it’s self care. Nothing wrong with wanting a little me time. I feel the same when asking if someone wouldn’t mind having Kory whilst I have some me time.. but when I ask if they don’t mind having, I often get the reply, sure. But why what are you doing? That’s when I don’t know what to say..

    • July 11, 2017 / 7:18 pm

      That’s it isn’t it! People assume you’ve got plans or are going out, but really you just need a time out! I’ve just come to tell them the truth that some days I’m just struggling to keep it together and I need a few hours – I feel bloody awful for it but I know I need to do it sometimes! x

      • July 11, 2017 / 7:23 pm

        You shouldn’t feel awful! I don’t know about you but I need time to recuperate to be the best parent I can be, I can’t do that when looking after children, if that makes us bad people then so be it xxx

  3. July 16, 2017 / 9:34 am

    I always wait too long before I ask for help. We all need to recharge. Thanks for sharing #blogstravaganza

  4. July 16, 2017 / 4:14 pm

    Hubs and I rarely go out, but when we do it’s usually when I’ve gone too far and need a break rather than want one. I totally get you. Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

  5. July 18, 2017 / 2:23 pm

    I realised a while ago that having time for me makes me a better parent. It gives me a chance to recharge my mummy batteries. My husband completely agrees with this and we can always tell when I’m due some time for myself. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • July 18, 2017 / 3:39 pm

      That’s so great that hubby agrees! – And yes, I completely agree we’re better parents after having some ‘me time.’ x

  6. July 18, 2017 / 3:19 pm

    I think we all need ME time, it’s just not always a case that we get it! I am a much better Mummy for having some time to myself, way too often I am heading for burn out as I never get a moment to just sit down and relax, or even to use the bathroom in peace, its so important to make that time for ourselves! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • July 18, 2017 / 3:41 pm

      I’m glad you agree! Being a parent is the best job in the world, but it definitely takes its toll! x

  7. July 20, 2017 / 7:06 am

    Definitely not a bad parent for wanting me time. Having time out is so important. I think we’re all better parents for having a little time for ourselves to regroup and regain a sense of sanity! I know I’m a nicer mummy after a bit of me time 🙂 #sharingthebloglove

    • July 20, 2017 / 2:24 pm

      Totally agree, I can become a bit of a mummonster and get a bit narky with the kids, I know then I need a time out! X

  8. July 20, 2017 / 11:17 am

    No you’re not. Having some me time to do things you enjoy or rest isn’t selfish, it’s basic self care. If you don’t look after yourself, it’s more difficult to look after other people!

    • July 20, 2017 / 2:23 pm

      That’s very true! I always feel refreshed and ready to mum again after a bit of me time! Thanks for stopping by 🙂 x

  9. talkingmums1
    July 22, 2017 / 8:05 am

    You are not a bad parent for wanting me time. I actually think it makes us better parents having a bit of time to ourselves once in a while but there is that pang of mummy guilt that strikes when you do get it. I too find it really hard to ask for help. Even if it’s just for an hour or two, I feel like I need a really good reason!
    #SharingTheBlogLove

    • July 22, 2017 / 8:46 am

      Yes! I too feel like I need a really good reason – but truth is, we don’t. It’s a 24/7 job, a break is definitely needed from time to time! x

  10. July 24, 2017 / 8:42 am

    I think me time is really important, we all need time to be ourselves rather than just ‘mummy’. I think it helps to have a break from our children too, its good for them and us! #sharingthebloglove

    • July 24, 2017 / 10:51 am

      Definitely, I like to think it’ll help with separation when they’re older too for nursery/school etc. We won’t be around them forever x

  11. October 30, 2017 / 1:50 pm

    Me time is essential. Obviously you shoudnt leave your kids in someone elses care every weekend but once in awhile its a good thing to get some space. I dont like hearing stories of parents out partying and dumping their kids off all the time. Once your children reach school age you miss them so much when they are gone. I try to plan one night a month for me or us time with my husband. I do take 20minutes or so everyday to write my posts but other than that im always with some.of my kids. The older two are in school. But yes me time is an essential thing.

    • November 24, 2017 / 9:02 am

      I completely agree, every weekend is too much, I also hate seeing parents out all the time and leaving their kids elsewhere! – I think once a month is good, anymore is a bonus haha!

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